Thursday, September 8, 2011

Night Watchman

I've experienced all kinds of snores in my lifetime, but tonight was one of the most soul touching snore nights of all time. I am in the medical surgical unit at the hospital keeping watch over Dad through the night. Needing to stretch my legs, I walk out into the hallway and decide to walk the hall. It is 3am. As I pass each room I hear snores, along with a tv playing, or radio, or beeping drips and monitors. Passing each room I think about the patient lying in the bed, and their families with them, some on cots, some curled up in chairs, some awake sitting on the end of their loved one's bed. I pass the room of my dear friend Jolee's mother and I can see the faint shadow of Jolee's blond braid draped over the hospital chair next to her Mother's bed in the dim light. They are sleeping. Mother and daughter. My heart breaks for her. She told me tonight that Hospice care begins tomorrow.

My Dad is finally snoring soundly. After a night of fitful sleep, forceful coughing, UTI discomfort, labored breathing and multiple nurse stops, he sleeps. The catheter will help him stay comfortable and asleep for longer periods of rest. I've never been so happy to hear a snore in my life.

It made me realize that on the Second Floor, snoring is a good thing. It means deep restful slumber at last. No pain, no suffering, no uncomfortableness, no interruptions, no frustrations... Just wonderful deep snoring sleep.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Heartache

I woke up wide awake at 4am this morning. I can't get my father off my mind. Walking around the house I see the pictures of him in the frames on my living room shelves. A big strapping man with an even bigger smile, full of life and action. Remembering our talkative drives together after school for so many years for piano lessons in Williamstown, I think about his sharp mind and incredible intelligence. Looking at the finely detailed wooden spoons and dollhouse furniture he made for me on those same shelves, I think about his wonderful hands. Hands that worked with wood, hands that wrote sermons, hands that played the piano, hands that held others. He can barely use his hands now.

This horrible affliction has completely taken him over. His mind, his body and now his spirit. He is bedfast, unable to move much if at all. I am very worried that he has given up. I can see it in my tired mother's eyes, she is worried too. My heart aches for them.

These past couple of weeks his condition has worsened drastically. I was so hoping that the infusion treatments would help, but he isn't responding to them. He doesn't want to exercise his muscles, he doesn't want to eat, he doesn't want to do anything. His longtime pastor friends have visited and called and counseled. There is no change. I fear that he has been overcome.

Psalm 121:

I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore.

I read this over and over. And keep hope.